MARCH MADNESS

N/B – NOT FOR PEOPLE UNDER THE AGE OF 16.
Translation at bottom of the blog.

February trickled slowly and as if someone had asked, “Kwani unanyesha?” the rains came and came. Even the proverbial clouds could not hide the pregnancy: the rains fell heavily leaving Talai Centre in a big mess.


The porridge that is the mud in Stage (Talai) has had us all slip-sliding from our classes to our abodes. With the mud comes the problem of adopting ancestral fashion like wearing the trousers “don’t touch” mode. There are those who have had to let go of their gentlemanly dress codes for mediocre wear. For the ladies, the beautiful peacock-like trains have had to be left for shorter dresses and in some extreme cases, miniskirts. As you skirt along, just remember that the cold you feel cannot be “cost-shared”, that is if you don’t plan to participate in “co-curricular activities.” Still, many ladies have gone for trousers and the lights of jeans are now picking steam fast. They are grasping the public’s eye by exposing all those curves that the semester tries to conceal. I only hope that these clothes will also literally pick steam. Leave recycling to the experts (wink.)


Do you know a dry joke? Not with this weather.


As you continue weeping about how it is raining unlike you, remember when the farmer was working on the shamba as you encouraged him in spectacular fashion to go on. Come March, this same person will decide to keep marching. You’ll be left on the frontline on your own with no one to turn to for help. That is the moment you’ll become a true comrade; that is also true considering you’ll be carrying a “micro-comrade.” As you eat the KDFs to replenish your energy, recall that this was a war you began against your books!


Cold, cold, cold…. Before you sing the current school anthem, buy a hood. A scarf, a beanie and some gloves. You don’t belong to the hood if you don’t have a hood- common sense. Here’s a toast to those veterans who stick to their hoods like glue to paper. Those paraphernalia are expensive plus it has become hard to find plugs who will hook you with cheap stock. Yet this other gender will come speaking in tongues making you surrender your precious commodity. Also, hugs and kisses are precious but Covid-19 is real. You’ll be avoiding the cold just to get a killer flu? The kiss of death? I’d rather go for a cold woman (stingy stingy with them hugs), that way I’ll “soldier on” past March.


Stone Cold Still “Hosting”😂😂

*“Kwani unanyesha?” – “Are you raining?”  A common Sheng phrase asking someone if they are having periods. Used loosely to suggest that someone is moody (rude slang)
*Don’t touch – a mode of wearing the trouser at ankle level, or not concealing the bottom part of the leg. Considered out of fashion.
*recycling – wearing a single clothing item more than once.
*working on the shamba – digging has been used as a symbolism for sex.
*Micro-comrades – Sheng term for bedbugs. Here it has been used to refer to a pregnancy since both are “avoided in campus.” Comrades (students) in public universities are disturbed by bedbugs that infest the hostels. Pregnancies in campus are viewed as a disturbance to both the girl who would have to discontinue studies and the boy who will have to carry the burden of support.
*KDFs – a common andazi in Kenya.
KDF is also the name of the Kenyan army (Kenyan Defence Forces)

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