Hunter’s Choice [PG EDITION]

DISCLAIMER: The following are true stories that are experiences and adaptations from the author’s life. Please be warned that it may have content unsuitable for children under the age of 16.

The word hunting sounds normal to anyone residing outside Kenya plus those not attending university/college. But hunting is not just a word to a campus student. Hunting is a part of life. By now you must know what am referring to, don’t you? I β€œprey” you do πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

Hunting is the process where boys, I mean men are meant to go searching for girls, I mean chics πŸ₯πŸ₯ in their hostels, library or God knows where. Whoever came up with the word must be a genius. Hunting breaks down to the simplest rules.

SURVIVAL FOR THE FITTEST- Girls, I mean chics πŸ₯πŸ₯ are more concerned about the size of the cock πŸ“πŸ“ so if you are not blessed, trust me you will not eat. Man prays for man’s prey. It is not only the men that are endangered species. Chics need food so that they can have huge thighs and big breasts. Some chics will never grow huge no matter how much you fill them with chicken feeds. Feed me I feed you. Campus students tend to live in a Hunger Games kind of way without even realizing. I guess that is why those who have not eaten are said to be in dryspell. Here we say that if you don’t screw or get screwed, you develop rust πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. For the chics, you have to flaunt your backside and the front should be uplifting also, bonus points if you have both. You are the target for every man’s hunt.

EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF AND WHORE FOR US ALL- An unfamiliar saying this especially if you have not been to a campus. Chics get passed around like a meal and you know guys like a balanced diet. The meat is served well. The meat when eating swells. Keep in a warm, moist area. Keep out of reach of children. You will find people saying that that girl is like a newspaper. Everyone has read, now they use her to wrap meat with, or worse, peanuts. She is yesterday’s news. People have passed by her so much that she has turned into a sixteen lane highway. Engage free gear. Please put on helmet to protect yourself.

STAY IN FORMATION- Never go for the kill alone. Many at times, when the guy goes for the girl, he is probably going to ruin it. That is what people think. Some girls like a guy who really owns his beard, not some bozo who had to get contributions to fill his beard πŸ‘‰ BE YOUR OWN BOSS (BYOB). Going with a group might work if you are approaching another group but you are not assured you will score the best prey in the herd. Initiating personal contact is crucial. However if it is a group meal/ if she is a pie you intend to share, then good luck, attack from North, South, East and West.

WASTED, TASTED, THEN TESTED- remember the Supersport commentary (I have done a parody here) : There will be booze (not boos) and cheers (🍻🍻), sweat and tears…. What else comes close to the campus experience than that? Well, intoxicating a chic to get laid is rape. Rape? Rape! People like being so casual. After the incubation period, and lots of missed periods, you go get tested. The results are going to test you! Why couldn’t the cock cross the road? *Because he fell in the ditch? *Because he was seeing double? Cock, cock. Whose there? Cat. Cat who? Cat’s out of the bag, cat’s got your tongue!

FAQs- Why do people dress to kill? Why do people advertise what they do not have? Why do people advertise if they are not selling? Why do forbidden fruits taste sweetest? Why is it that at the moment that is similar to what resulted to our creation, we start calling each other our parent’s names (daddy and mummy?) Is it citing due to copyright issues? And what did the author mean by FAQs?

Go to campus and you will realize people are more conversant with the latest viral sex leak than the words of their national anthem, the loyalty pledge or even the latest. TRUST me when I tell you sex is a campus sport that people major in. In some countries you hear of students in Major League Baseball, Major League Soccer or rugby. Here, we are familiar with scoring, only not in the sporty sense of the verb. We screw until the bed’s screws get unscrewed!

A person once told me that our contemporary society is obsessed with sensualising sex. But sex sells and in campus it is a new lesson to those not yet equipped with it. β€œAsiyefunzwa na mamaye hufunzwa na ulimwengu.” (If you were not taught by your mother, you shall by the universe.) NB- that is not the parent citation thingy. The truth is sex is art and the world is a canvas.

15 thoughts on “Hunter’s Choice [PG EDITION]

  1. It’s interesting to note that doing things “properly” has been completely run out the window. If anyone can do things properly, then it is following the advice of patience and saving a moment for when it is right.

    A human, in today’s time, has become a simple convenience. We treat others like whatever we get on a trip to the mall. It’s sad.

    We need to comprehend the difference. The difference between having something in the moment, versus saving something for the right moment.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If sex is all there is, while sex is the same thing as sharing secrets or trusting someone, then we may as well be nonchalantly telling a mother that her son died.

    Why not bring that soon-to-be grieving mother into a room so we can tell her in private, to brace her for the coming shock?

    That’s what we used to do with treating sex. It was private. We didn’t do it in the open. It was never nonchalant. And, most of all, we knew a secret was only able to be said, for the right time.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. And, its sad. Because, what has come from this is the inevitable. Being, people being afraid of their own information being stolen. Whoever created this “sex everywhere” nonsense, probably didn’t understand or completely understood that people would have a psychological response to it. A response that makes people more fearful for their own security, and more dependent on governmental power to guard the people. That stinks of Socialism.

        Liked by 1 person

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